As if California really needed another reason to earn the title “the land of fruits and nuts”.

Although it is meant to be satirical, the movement to ban divorces in California has gained somewhat in popularity. John Marcotte, the married 38-year old father of two and the movement’s brainchild, explained that his inspiration for introducing the petition came from the passing of proposition 8, an amendment that banned gay marriage, to which the voters of California passed in 2008.

“Since California decided to protect traditional marriage, I think it would be hypocritical of us not to sacrifice some of our own rights to protect traditional marriage even more.”

WELL… I guess he SHOWED US! 

Mr. Marcotte doesn’t actually give a rat’s furry rear end about “saving marriages”. He’s just doing this to prove his point… that homosexuals deserve to get married as much as heterosexuals do.   Since he didn’t get his way, he’s decided to throw a tantrum. If gays can’t marry, and those self-rightous straights are so obsessed with “saving marriages”, well damn it, we’ll just ban divorces for them.   That’ll fix ‘em! 

Reminds me of Brad Pitt’s vow that he and Angelina Jolie would never get married until gays could get married too. Glad you’re such a proponent of saving marriages, Brad. Second time’s the charm, eh?

No danger of that happening though, as they’re headed for splitsville soon anyway, if you can believe the tabloids.  I’m sure Brad won’t mind putting his marriage plans on hold. Indefinitely.

Now that we’ve established Marcotte’s reason for the petition to ban divorces, how about we discuss one way we can really help save marriages? Here’s an idea that’s been thrown around; rather than enact Sharia Law and forbid divorces, let’s make it harder to get married. 

Gay and Lesbian groups have often flaunted how successful their “marriages” are as opposed to heterosexual marriages, which have a roughly 50% divorce rate. There’s a simple reason for that… too many couples are getting married on a whim, for the wrong reasons. 

Let’s pick on Las Vegas for a minute. How many times have you heard of a couple, sometimes complete strangers, had a little too much to drink and decided to visit one of those “quickie marriage” places? Hell, Carrie Underwood even wrote a song about one (if I were to assume that she writes all of her own songs, I’d guess that the woman has serious man problems). I bet those are counted in the divorce rate.

How many teenagers get married right out of high school, before they even really know anything about their sweethearts? Out come the kids and voila… they’re added to the divorce statistic. 

Do you want to know one reason why gays and lesbians can claim that their marriages last longer and have a lower divorce rate? Probably because it’s so difficult for them to get married in the first place. As getting married is tougher, they’re more likely to make damn well sure that their respective partners are really someone that they want to get involved with for the long run. Few sane people want to go through that hassle more than once. 

However, as more and more states, particularly in New England, are allowing gays and lesbians to marry, I can guarantee you that we’re going to be seeing the homosexual divorce rates start to go up, now that marriages are getting easier for them.

So, how do we make it harder for us straights to get married?

One way is to make it mandatory for the couple to receive some type of counseling once they make their intentions known. It could be a priest, rabbi, counselor, imam, Wiccan high priestess… whatever. I don’t care. 

The important thing is, most of these people need a reality check from a neutral party who will be asking them the tough questions, such as “are you sure that you know exactly what you’re getting into? Do you really think you can handle the financial responsibilities? Just how well do you really know each other… besides how great they are in the sack? What will you do when you have kids?  How will you pay for your house? Mom and dad aren’t going to let you live with them forever. How will you feel about your hottie girlfriend/boyfriend when they’re looks start to go? Are you still going to love them?

Have you done most, if not all, of everything you’ve wanted to do in life already? If you haven’t done it by now, you’re chances of achieving your dreams drop dramatically after you get married and start having kids. 

Unless of course, that is your dream.

Are you really ready to sacrifice your own happiness and dedicate your life to the happiness and well-being of your spouse?

And don’t feed me any of this crap about what a jerk I am (ok… I am, but that’s besides the point), how you married your spouse right out of high school, you’ve stayed together for 30 years, had 5 great kids who are all academic geniuses, you’re filthy rich, blah blah blah.   You got lucky, you beat the odds. You’re a rare exception to the rule, not the norm. Congratulations.

Don’t misunderstand; I am not suggesting that you should not get to marry the person of your choice. This is America after all, not the Middle East. We don’t do arranged marriages here. 

Ok, true… we have the occasional shotgun wedding, but most of these guys had it coming to them.

What I’m asking is that people, especially you young ones, to think with your heads, as well as your hearts, before you jump into a commitment like marriage. 

Ask yourself the hard questions now, so you won’t become part of John Marcotte’s (and his radical buddies) statistics on failed marriages later. 

Links:

Movement Under Way in California to ban Divorce: Judy Lin, Associated Press, 11/30/09